Family Life

And You Love Yourself Too…

May 25, 2016
I love myself too

This afternoon I was sitting with Little Man and asked him, “do you know who I love?” When he turned to look at me, waiting for my answer, I told him, “I love you, and I love daddy, and I love Thomas and Percy (our two new guinea pigs)”. And do you know what his reply was?

And you love yourself too!

This isn’t the first time he’s said this to me, but every time he does I am blown away by how deep and profound his response is. And yet, to him, it isn’t deep or profound at all, it just is. And therein lies the beauty of it – if we can love another, we must surely love ourselves.

And it makes me wonder – at what point in my life did I stop seeing things with this kind of clarity and start leaving myself off that all important list of those I love? If asked about self-love, I’d say that of course I think it’s important that we love ourselves as well as others. But thinking it is important is not the same as actually loving myself with the same level of intention and intensity as I love and value others.

Which is why Little Man’s response is so powerful to me, because it challenges me to really consider not only whether I truly love myself (and what that may mean) but also how that love manifests and why I have (until now) valued it far below the love that I have for him and others. I want to live a life with that same kind of simplicity that says, “you love yourself too, don’t forget that!”

You love yourself too, don't forget that!

But then, of course, my rational mind comes into play and I start over-analysing it all.  I begin to ask questions like “what does loving yourself actually mean?” and “what does that even look like?” I don’t know about you, but whenever I think about self-love I often come across a wall where the bricks are engraved with words such as “fear”, “ego”, “pride”, and “selfish”. I am so worried that by loving myself fully I will become unbalanced and “full of myself”, and that scares the hell out of me.

And I wonder why that is, why do I fear love so much when I know how powerful it can be? Of course, therein lies the crux – love is so powerful. I know that by loving myself everything will change, but instead of focusing on all the positive results this could bring I see only the negative possibilities. Why is that? When did I stop trusting love and start fearing it?

Love is so powerful

I’d like to be able to blame it on all the bad things that have happened in my life, all the difficulties with my health, struggles with finances, challenges in the workplace etc, but the reality is that I can’t blame any of these things. The circumstances of my life have naturally had an impact on me, but the lack of self-love goes much deeper. No matter what has happened in my life, I have continued to have a great love for so many people, that side of love (the giving side) has never been compromised. But the receiving side, that’s where I struggle. And that goes right back as far as I can remember…

This lack of self-love has manifested in so many ways – low self-esteem, lack of confidence, inability to say no, acting like a martyr, I could go on and on! In fact , over the past couple of days I have begun to realise that the only reason my dreams of making a living doing the thing I love most has never quite come true is because I do not value myself and my skills enough to expect payment for them. I feel hugely uncomfortable at the idea of charging for my services, even though I know that I do it so well. And so, the reality of this is that year after year my dream remains just that, a dream that other people get to do but I don’t, not because they are any better at it than I am but rather because I do not value myself enough to get out there and do it.

And even though I know this, I find it so hard to change. But change I will. I want to love myself, I want to follow the advice and inspiration of so many who have said time and time again that the key to living a happy and successful life lies in loving yourself enough to feel you deserve a happy and successful life. And I want be like Little Man, with the knowledge that self-love is the most natural thing in the world. And that starts today…

I love myself too

Tell me – do you love yourself too?

I’m linking this post up with the #sharethejoy linky hosted by Michelle at The Joy Chaser and Regina at You are a Daisy, because this post really was written at the start of a very incredible week for me, one which brought me a huge sense of joy! I have so much more I want to write about the amazing shift in perception that self-love can bring, and just how much that changes everything in your life, but for now I am sharing the post that started one of the most amazing weeks I’ve had in a very long time!

  • Reply
    May 30, 2016 at 1:26 pm

    “Self-love is the most natural thing in the world.” I love that and I totally agree with you! Great post and beautiful pictures. 🙂

    • Reply
      May 30, 2016 at 8:54 pm

      Thanks so much for popping by Ana x

  • Reply
    Single Mother Ahoy
    May 30, 2016 at 5:51 pm

    omg I love love LOVE This post. It could have been written by me!
    We should definitely swap book recommendations; i’d love to chat to you about this sort of thing more often too. I think we’re both in a similar sort of space at the moment.

    • Reply
      May 30, 2016 at 8:54 pm

      Oh for sure, I’m always up for a chat about these kinds of things!! I’ll send you an email xx

  • Reply
    Michelle Reeves (The Joy Chaser)
    May 31, 2016 at 7:53 am

    Oh honey I love this and love that you’ve had a shift in perception that is serving you now! We all need self-love and kindness and the confidence to live our dreams – they’re there for the taking! (Incidentally, I think you’d love the huge hairy goal planning part of my new eCourse which is all about taking action towards your dreams.) Thank you for sharing this and joining us at #sharethejoy and can’t wait to read more about your journey x

  • Reply
    May 31, 2016 at 6:50 pm

    I think every one of us can find a bit of ourselves in your blog post. Being afraid to say No or to ask for what we’re really worth, we’ve all been there. But I do think that at some point we have that epiphany and we realize that we are worth so much more than we’re giving ourselves credit for. I don’t think I had mine yet, but I did learn that sometimes I need to give myself a break and stop being so hard on myself.

  • Reply
    Alice @ The Filling Glass
    June 4, 2016 at 8:50 am

    Oh Amanda, this is a post that touches me so much. My littlest one often says things like this too and I can see how even a difference between the littlest and the biggest has happened in the space of a few short years. I struggle hugely with loving myself and I recognise that wall of thoughts and words as reasons not to do so. I often wonder how I can be more loving to myself and actually I often think it boils down to forgetting everything else and momentarily being like a child again, with carefree abandon. My girls would love for me to be like that sometimes, and I would too if truth be told, but oftentimes something holds me back. I agree about the selling yourself thing too, I feel that way. So let’s all believ in each other! Xxxxx

  • Reply
    Carol Cameleon
    June 4, 2016 at 8:37 pm

    Self-love comes hand in hand with self belief in my opinion. No one has the right to put me down without good reason and I instil this belief into our little girl (6). By my reckoning, it’s vital that we ooze self-love in front of our children because, as we all know, they pick up on everything! #sharethejoy

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