It’s been rather a long time since I wrote a post for Share The Joy, the monthly linky that the gorgeous Christina hosts over on Ladybug Home. At the beginning of this year I offered to support Christina in continuing to run this lovely linky that celebrates joy-filled posts, and it has been playing on my mind that I have been too sick to do so. Which is why I am so pleased to finally be writing a post that I can link up and share with the Share The Joy Community.
It’s not that I haven’t had things I wanted to blog about, it’s just that I have been so unbelievably ill this year and looking at a computer screen long enough to type up a blog post simply hasn’t been an option. I’ve been suffering from migraines lasting for up to two whole weeks every single month, and it has been hell. Whilst trying to function through such debilitating symptoms I’ve also had the usual string of colds (I’ve got another one now), Little Man had tonsillitis, and we’ve had snow days and Easter holidays too. Add our ongoing battle with the DWP, and you can begin to understand why I simply couldn’t find the time or energy to update the blog.
But, here I am, and it is so very good to be back talking to you all. I love this little home of mine on the internet, and so does Little Man apparently. Recently my Grandma celebrated her 90th birthday and he signed his card from “The Family Patch” rather than putting his own name. Oh how it made me laugh!
realising i’d lost my blogging joy
But seeing Little Man take so much pride in being part of my blog also made me realise that I had lost some of the joy of coming on here and writing. I have a very small, but truly wonderful, audience and my stats are never going to impress anyone. And so I felt pressure to change that, to make my blog more like a business, so that I could work on brand collaborations and use it as a platform for launching e-products such as courses or books. You just have to look at my plans for 2018 to realise how convinced I was that I needed to make my blog more successful than it is.
There is a reason for this, of course. At the end of last year I still hadn’t had my medical assessment for ESA and so was convinced that they wouldn’t understand how ill I am and insist that I work towards increasing my self-employed hours. And I knew that increasing my client hours was not an option, as I was struggling to keep up with just a few hours a month at that point. So it made sense to focus on my blog, because it’s easier to plan my own time working on the blog than it is when working for clients. But I’ve always been a Hobby Blogger, and have found that the times when I have tried to be more professional about growing my blog have been the times I have felt so stifled that I lost all the joy.
Thankfully the DWP actually accepted how sick I am (for which I am entirely grateful, given how sick I have been of late), and so I’ve been able to focus on simply resting and trying to get through each day as best as I can. And a large part of that is trying to find joy in the hard times, because our emotional health is as important as our physical health, don’t you think?
So how have I been finding joy in the hard times?
Well, first of all I have been creating time and making a conscious effort to nurture myself. I have been doing this in several ways, but the most joyful of these has to be yoga. I have found some truly wonderful yoga teachers sharing videos on YouTube and informational posts on Instagram which have really lifted me out of my funk.
Some of them are created specifically for those with chronic illnesses, making them super easy for me to do from my bed. Others focus on specific problems, such as migraines, neck and shoulder tension, backache etc, all of which I really struggle with. And then there are the Kundalini ones, which are my absolute favourites. I want to write a separate post sharing my favourite yoga finds at some point, because there truly are some amazing resources out there.
Secondly, I’ve been finding things to keep my mind occupied whilst I’m physically unable to get out of bed or leave the house. I have spent a large part of this year either bed-ridden or house bound, and it has been really challenging for me. I like being active and feeling useful, so my emotional health has taken a real beating this year. However I have been learning how to find my joy in the hard times by purposefully seeking out things that I can do. Activities have included colouring books, crocheting blankets, reading (or listening to podcasts if my head is too painful/woozy to look at a page), and planning rewrites of my novel.
rediscovering myself through lost loves
What I have found through all of this is that despite my fear that my health issues have changed who I am, my passions remain the same. I still absolutely love creating things, which is why I have been drawn towards colouring books and crochet. I’ve even spent some of my birthday money on a bible journal which has beautiful illustrations to colour in, along with some stickers, gesso, and a black fineliner so that I can have a go at painting and drawing my own illustrations in the bible.
I also spent some of my birthday money on novel writing software, to help me bring all my random thoughts, character notes, chapter plans, and drafts into some kind of order. Being able to spend my birthday money on things which support my creativity and ability to find joy in the hard times has been such an amazing blessing.
Talking of birthdays, Tim also bought me second hand copies of the grammar textbooks I had at uni for both German and Russian (at my request). When I left university I had such a lack of confidence in my language skills that I simply got rid of most of my resources and never used them again. But recently I have been spending a lot of time on instagram (it’s so easy to scroll through whilst lying in bed), and I began following some German and Russian accounts.
Over time I began wanting to reply and take part in some of the activities presented by those using instagram to teach their language. I have been using DuoLingo for a while now, but hadn’t actually been in a position of having a two-sided conversation with a native speaker. And it was scary at first. But the more I did it the more I realised that I do have a natural affinity for languages and I’m actually really enjoying the learning process. I even shared a video of myself saying a Russian tongue twister!!
So that’s another way that I have been finding joy in the hard times – I have been reminding myself that even when life knocks you down so often you feel like you cannot possibly get up again, there is *always* something you can still do.
I’d love to hear from you about the things which bring you joy and how you integrate them into your lives. Do you, like me, often neglect the joyful things and have to make a conscious effort to indulge in joyful activities?