Disclaimer: I received a free Kindle version of this book via NetGalley in return for a review on that site. Following on from that I got in touch with the author for this interview. There has been no other incentive for me in this, I simply enjoyed the book and wanted to share it with you.
About the book
When I first saw the title of this book I knew I had to read it. As someone who suffers from M.E. and has a mother and uncle with the condition too, I am always interested in hearing other people’s stories. But even more interesting was the fact that this was written by a psychic, and I was eager to find out how that had impacted the author’s journey with this condition.
I wasn’t disappointed, as Nicky includes lots of messages that she received from the angelic and spirit realms as she takes us through her journey from being at the top of her career through falling into severe poverty and truly debilitating symptoms to finally regaining some freedom in her life again. The things that Nicky has been through are heartbreaking to say the least, with the loss of a parent, childhood abuse, damaging relationships, financial fraud leaving her in severe debt, and homelessness, as well as the life-altering development of M.E. and Fibromyalgia. She holds nothing back as she talks about the depths of despair she fell into, and its clear to see the places when she truly lost all hope. And yet the strength of her spirit prevails and she finds her way back from the abyss, with the help of the angels and her spirit guides, and her journey gives hope that healing is indeed possible, no matter how broken you may feel.
This book is not a “how-to” guide, nor does it offer any promises that if you do x, y, and z you will be miraculously healed. Rather it is a heartfelt message from somebody who has walked this path of chronic illness and wishes to offer support and encouragement to others who may be feeling as lost and alone as she once felt. If you have M.E. and/or Fibromyalgia and even the slightest interest in the angelic and spiritual realms then this is well worth a read.
Interview with the author – Nicky Alan
I reached out to Nicky via her publishers to see if she would be willing to take part in an interview on my blog and have been so grateful to her for doing so. Chatting to her this week has been wonderful, and I’m sure you’re going to love getting to know her throughout the coming questions.
Before we get into talking about the book, can you tell everyone a little bit about yourself?
I am 49 and currently live in Devon with my two little fur babies Ted and Mia. I originally come from Essex. When I can, I walk my babies on the beautiful beaches here, the sea is my passion. I am a born psychic as are my siblings. We come from many generations of psychics and mediums. I was a police officer, mainly a Major Investigations Detective in Essex Police until I was medically retired in 2003. I had no choice but to become a full time professional medium which would make for another book!
In 2012 I had a catastrophic road accident that resulted in me suffering with M.E and Fibromyalgia. I was bed bound for five years and during that time was shown by the angel realms a passion for writing. This is
what I mainly do now, I am a columnist in two spiritual magazines Fate and Fortune and Spirit and Destiny. I am also a features writer in Haunted Magazine. My debut book was born from me writing out my feelings during my five year struggle. I also teach spirituality online through Facebook and my YouTube channel. I am currently polishing up my second book, ‘You won’t leave me’ which is a unique guide to bereavement, recovery and spirit union.
In the book you share so much about the total debilitation that M.E. and Fibromyalgia cause, and the impact that this has on everything from financial security to social isolation and loss of identity. I know it’s hard to summarise all of this, but could you share some of the things you wish people know about these conditions and how life altering they can be?
Without wanting to sound gloomy, it totally devastates everything that you hold dear in life. Everything stops in a heartbeat due to the permanent exhaustion, pain and neurological symptoms. This in turn leads to financial, emotional, relationship and social downfall. I was alone, homeless, mentally and physically broken and felt I was never going to cope. I was an exceptionally successful medium doing amazing TV projects and travelling everywhere doing stage shows and workshops. I was at the top of my industry. It killed me that I lost my career along with everything else.
The trick is to grieve your old life and let it go and find every positive you can in this new way of living. I find that this condition seems to affect very busy and ambitious people, the sort that don’t want to ask for help. In this case you MUST ask for help from your friends, family, GP, social services and disability support services. It is also vital that your loved ones learn about your condition so that they can support you in the best way. Most of the people in your life that don’t understand your condition will drift away as they can’t understand why you don’t get better and continually cancel on them.
The book is such an open and honest account of your own story, you really don’t hold anything back. What inspired you to write a book in such a deeply personal format?
As M.E/Fibro sufferers we are literally lost in a system that doesn’t recognise our condition as being a disability and an exceptionally serious chronic condition. When I was well enough during the worst
part of my illness, when I was suicidal, I wrote out all of my feelings, I had no intention of making it a book. On forums I met people who were living in the worst conditions with no help at all. I started to read books about my condition, but they were all the same, fact based with no real heart to them. The angel realms kept
nudging me to write this a book. I wanted to represent our condition in its rawest form to help wake up an ignorant society that literally just leaves us to rot and show fellow sufferers that they are not alone. The only way to do that was to be totally transparent and bare my soul.
Reading the book I was struck by how much of your journey centred around healing from past and present trauma, and a need to truly surrender to the experience of life. How much of a role do you think trauma plays in our experiences as people with M.E. and/or Fibromyalgia? And do you have any advice for others who may be struggling with this?
I think trauma plays a massive part in our condition. On speaking with fellow sufferers over the years, the body or the mind had always endured a lot of trauma in the past that hadn’t been released. I released my self through cord cutting meditations with Archangel Michael, positive daily affirmations and for the first time ever I learned to love myself. My past abuse left a subliminal message of me being a failure and not good enough. I rectified that but it took a lot of work, all of which is detailed in my book. Don’t hold on to past baggage it is a very heavy burden to carry especially on top of what you are trying to cope with in the present. I also discovered that your mindset can reflect your physical symptoms. So the more happy and positive you are, the more your body will heal.
Let’s talk a bit more about the spiritual side of the book. You regularly shared excerpts from your soul journals, which I found really interesting as it was clear to see exactly how you had felt at each point in your journey. For those who have never heard of a soul journal, could you explain a little bit about what they are and how they can help?
Oh my goodness, my soul journals are my personal bibles! Any counsellor will recommend writing out your thoughts and feelings and even writing letters to the people that have caused you pain in the past. They are so helpful in that you can write out what you are worried about and sometimes even end up writing your own solution out. Seeing things in black and white is so much clearer than trying to focus your mind if it is full of various emotions.
I use it to list pros and cons on any given obstacle or decision that needs to be dealt with. I write out my dreams and meditations and then analyse them to see what my subconscious is telling me. I write out what the angel and tarot cards tell me, they are never wrong and have always predicted the future. It is basically like a diary but goes a lot deeper if you are honest with yourself and offload everything going on inside on to the pages. The value of them is looking back and seeing how far you have come. From time to time I read back to when I was bed bound and it feels like another life as I am so happy now and in complete contentment. I then feel full of pride and strength to see what I have endured and overcome. That’s gives me the impetus to face anything head on in the present and future.
In many of your soul journal entries you wrote what you were asking the Angels for at that time. And after one of them you mentioned that you were simply going through the motions and didn’t truly believe it. Can you talk a little bit about how your experiences affected your faith, and how that felt after so many years of such a deep connection to the spirit realm?
I lost every ounce of faith in the Spirt World and the Angel Realms. I convinced myself that I made up all of the readings I had done over the years and that once you were dead that was it. I was so angry as I had been their ambassador for all of my life and I was paid with being in bed, homeless, alone and as far as I was concerned in that situation forever. I felt forsaken and that I had failed them.
I had been told by the doctors that after three years you will never recover from this condition. So I just wanted to die, I just wanted to take pills and slip away. Something within me though told me to keep talking to the angel realms and do the cards even though my ego was telling me it was a complete waste of time. I can tell you now that most of the time the air was blue when I spoke to them and my loved ones in spirit! I hated them with everything that I had in me. I went from shouting abuse to crying uncontrollably day after day, month after month. But they persevered with a vengeance.
What advice would you give to someone who is feeling disconnected from their faith?
Most importantly be kind to yourself. Try and do loving things for yourself everyday. If you don’t feel that you deserve a higher power loving you and healing you then your healing journey will be delayed. So it’s all about working on your self and believing that you deserve abundance, good health and love. When you start to feel self love, the faith slowly starts to shine again. What you feel about yourself will be reflected in what the Universe gives back.
With me, my guides and angels had to literally stand in my room and demand I connect back to them! So even when I didn’t believe in them and refused to acknowledge them, they manifested themselves time
and time again. I know I wasn’t imagining it as the dogs would bark at them every time! Something would then happen to back up what they were saying to me. I would then get a sign or an opportunity given to me after every visit. That eventually put them squarely back on my faith map!
Even though there were times when you felt less connected to the angelic and spirit realms, you continued to connect to them throughout the entire book, and I loved reading about the different
ways in which they communicated with you. If somebody is wanting to connect to the angels or their spirit guides for the first time, what advice would you give?
The fundamental message that my book brings is that no matter how alone you feel and even if you have no faith, our loved ones and angels are waiting patiently for us to give them permission to help. You just literally have to identify what angel is needed for your particular situation and give them permission to help you. You don’t need any fancy words just talk to them as if you are asking a friend.
I also have many videos on the subject on my YouTube channel. (Another thing the angels forced me to do, teach from my bed! Lol) If you really want to work spiritually on a deeper level I was also inspired during my worst times to create the PRISM LIVING course. It’s a seven week online course covering everything you need to know on how to live a spiritually contented life, despite what faith or belief system you have. I put in every coping skill, technique and method that I used to get myself back to peace and happiness. Most importantly my connection to the angels and spirit world has never been so strong.
Can we talk a little bit about how bad things got for you, not only physically but also mentally and emotionally? You mention feeling suicidal on several occasions, and that it was concern for your two dogs which kept you here on this earth. Could you talk about that, as I think it’s important for others to realise just how desperate things can get, and that they’re not alone if they also feel this way.
The worst thing with this condition is that you can be in your bed with just yourself and your demons as your body and mind are completely incapable of doing anything apart from keeping you breathing. I have never experienced such depths of despair and depression. I didn’t want to push it too much in the book but every day I dreamed of ending it all to get out of the misery and pain. My dogs sat with me and I just kept picturing me dead with them crying, that was the only thing that stopped me from killing myself.
Your friends lose patience with you as they think you will get better and you don’t. I had no family support, my GP was disgraceful and made me feel like a hypochondriac. The loneliness was horrific I wouldn’t see anyone for months. I isolated and did not reach out to anyone. I had lost everything I had ever worked for, had no security and on top of that you have to deal with agonising pain that no pain killer can touch. I was also getting various new symptoms on an hourly or daily basis from waking up with my eye permanently closed to months of incontinence and three years of insomnia. So I used to lay putting towel after towel under me as I was wetting myself. I couldn’t eat and had no energy to even make toast, but I put on stone after stone in weight because I wasn’t moving. I used to work on murder investigations, during that time I couldn’t even cope with having a phone conversation or opening my bills. I was being hounded by debt collectors. I also could not let go of my old life, it stayed with me day after day, who I used to be and what I was capable of.
You will suffer emotionally and physically so you must get support from the get go as you cannot do this alone like I did. I refused to claim any benefits, I refused to accept that I was disabled, I just wouldn’t let go. But finally when I allowed carers in and got a wheelchair, I realised I had to make the best of my new life. It’s all about your mindset, if you let the darkness run, you will never see the light.
Ultimately you have come through an extremely dark period in your life feeling much stronger. You’re still sick, but life is so much better than it was. Could you share what life is like for you these
days? In what ways do M.E. and Fibromyalgia still impact your life, and how do you deal with that?
This is going to sound weird but my road accident was a blessing and so is this condition for me. I have learned to love myself and appreciate the most tiniest things in life. I automatically connect with the angels and my loved ones and manifest what I want and it works every time. I live in a beautiful home and can now make a career online from my bed! I am with the love of my life which is amazing. I have the best friends around me that understand my condition and support me. They will come for a cuppa when I’m stuck in bed to cheer me up. I basically laugh at my condition now, I don’t let it overwhelm me. What I mean is I will joke with my friends and say, ‘I’m feeling lazy and want chocolate, yes it’s a bad day! Good excuse for me to pamper myself!’
I have completely changed my diet to gluten free, dairy free, restricted alcohol and sugar and have no caffeine and this has led to me dropping nearly five stone without even trying. None of the above are good for our condition, so try and ditch them from your diet. I take supplements that help the condition and keep myself hydrated all of the time. I now don’t sulk if I’m in pain or need a day or two in bed. I relish it and find things to keep my mind positive, whether it’s a box set binge or writing. (In fact I’m writing this in bed now!) I am open and honest now, so if I don’t want to do something because I am tired I say no rather than people please. I honour the condition rather than resent it. If I need to sleep I do with no guilt or apology to anyone. I see the rest as an act of self love as my body needs it. I have learned to pace myself, so will rest up prior to anything I wish to do that will be physical. Let’s face it there’s nothing you can do to change the condition but you can change your mindset and approach to its volatile behaviour. See it as your friend and not your adversary.
Is there anything else you would like to talk about that we haven’t already covered?
I just want to add that you must own this illness and not let it own you. Find support forums on Facebook, reach out to fellow sufferers as the people around you have no clue what you are going through. When we are tired they just think we are sleepy. When we are in pain they just think we are a bit achy. Politely distance yourself away from the people that do not want to understand your condition. Fight for your rights as a disabled person and get every bit of support from social services. Find a GP who understands and respects your condition. Get cleaners and carers in, and anyone that can help. There are a lot of volunteers in your area that will come and help out with daily tasks. Do not become one of the millions missing! Find things that will keep your mind busy on the bad days. A lot of my friends with this condition have taken up craft hobbies which have turned into businesses! All I ask is just try and venture into the spiritual world. When they come in and show you what they can do for you it will literally leave you breathless. The biggest word in your life should be SURRENDER. Surrender yourself to this new way of life and do everything in your power to make it work for you.
Finally, if people would like to follow you online or learn more about your work, where should they go?
You can find me on Facebook here.
My website is nickyalan.co.uk
My YouTube channel is here.
Reach out to me if you are struggling.
Please don’t isolate, there is help out there for you including a higher power that will get you through x
Preorder the book
My book is available to pre order, release date 27th November 2020.
I’d like to offer my sincere thanks to Nicky for taking the time to answer my questions and share her experiences with us.
If you’re suffering from M.E. and/or Fibromyalgia, you may find the following links helpful