Today is a big day for me. It is the final goodbye to a particular part of my life, or rather the closing of a door that belongs to a world into which I once poured my heart and soul. It feels like there should be some feeling of loss for this, but there just isn’t.
The end of last year was my grieving period. It was a time when I knew, deep in my heart, that it wasn’t going to work out. It was a pretty desperate and terrifying time, realising that everything was about to change and not really knowing how that was going to pan out, and at the same time feeling like all the hard work and dedication meant nothing. It was, quite simply, a bleak moment in time.
But now? Now I feel the promise of Spring, the beauty of life that has laid dormant, building up strength to burst forth into a bright new world. The biggest thing about today is not so much the goodbye, but the welcoming of a fresh start.
Life isn’t easy. We’ve just found out that the house we were supposed to be moving into has been taken off the market by the landlord, meaning we have to start a whole new search. And our meeting with the neurosurgeon yesterday brought up even more questions than it answered. And we can’t forget the fact that, as of tomorrow, I am essentially unemployed. That’s a lot of uncertainty facing us…
And yet right now, I feel more hopeful, more confident, and more secure than I have in a long, long time. All of these changes, whilst challenging (to say the least) are leading us into a new life. We are taking the chance to do things we haven’t dared do, despite considering them for some time. We’re moving closer to family, we’re looking at healthier working patterns, and we’re learning to cherish the simple things in life, which remain unchanged regardless of the craziness elsewhere in our lives.
I plan on taking the next week off. TJ has a 4 day weekend coming up and we need some time to simply be. Then there are other houses to view, and a visit to Little Man’s new nursery. And most importantly of all, I have arranged to meet a potential employer for a role that I am most excited about. I have boxes to pack, people to meet, and places to go.
Far from being the end of the line, today is the start of a whole new beginning. And for that I am most grateful.